I would truly love to say that I cannot relate to the stories of parents yelling and screaming and behaving in ways which sound crazy.  But, I was that crazy mom getting into escalating yelling matches, pushing on doors, making threats. 

I wish that I could say that I listened to Julie Baker’s story on The Moth this morning and thought “Oh dear, wow, I’m so glad that wasn’t me.” instead of what I did think which was  “Well, at least no one threw a laptop into the middle of the road, there’s at  least that…” and, it didn’t get quite that bad, by which I mean no devices were sacrificed to the insanity.   And I am grateful. 

I cannot relate to all of it,  I was not abused as a child. No one hit me. My mother once grabbed me with more force than was needed.  And, years later(like 35) I learned that there was stuff going on in my parent’s life which I was not privy to. But, I was not abused.  And Julie was.  And, so, in my crazy head I think “I have no excuse for the way I interacted with my 16 year old, and Julie did.” 

My head is crazy.  The primary problem with teenagers?  They’re teenagers.  And we parents are terrified that their behavior is uncontrollable. And we get scared-for their safety. And for our inability to control them.  

Listen to this.  Julie says what Quinn and I keep saying, she didn’t have the tools. Quinn and I hypothetically did.  But. Nope. Our story is not as dramatic, but it is way close, much closer than I would ever have guessed we would have gotten.

Listen. And if it sounds even remotely familiar be honest with yourself.  And get help for yourselves. You are worth it.  All of your relationships are worth it-with your kids, your spouse, your co-parents, you parents, oh, heck, living with a teenager can impact every relationship, with your colleagues, the person in the checkout line….y’know, everyone.