“If you can’t explain it simply, you don’t understand it enough.”

Albert Einstein

I don’t know about you, but sometimes I still hear that voice in my head saying KISS- Keep It Simple Stupid!

Over the years I have come up with an alternative acronym: “Keep It Super Simple”. A friend recently shared “Keep It Simple Sweetie” which I also like, because it’s kind and gentle, and it’s way better to call myself or anyone else sweetie rather than stupid, eh?

Einstein? No. Human? Yes.

Keeping it simple is a key to successful communication. Why might this be a good tip for parents of teens? Oh, let’s give that some thought shall we? Hmmm. Many teens might not have much time😜. They might have the attention of a toddler…oh, I mean teen! They might be resistant to almost any conversations. They might be predisposed to not listening to your explanations. My kids talk about their grandfather’s lectures, but they didn’t leave the table. Me? Yeah…to this day I often apologize for over explaining. The kids are not all wrong.

How do you implement this new genius practice of understanding and simplifying?

First, a reminder, it takes practice. So, like building any new strength, this is an opportunity to practice patience. We’re not all Einsteins after all. (And Einstein might have been genius, but he too wasn’t perfect.)*

So, first, UNDERSTAND.

Identify what it is it that you are wanting to explain.

What is your reason for wanting to explain something? It is easier to explain something when you have a clear understanding and are clear on your goal. Are you simply giving information? Might it have impact, emotional or other? Are you hoping for a change? Can you be super clear on what that change is?

If you want to explain to someone, anyone, why they are driving you insane, or why they have to follow your rules, it is best to understand that clearly for yourself. If you want someone’s help, it is best to understand that before conversation.  What are you hoping for? 

Spend an adequate amount of time pondering what exactly it is that you want another human to understand- what is changing, what are you are requesting to change, etc. Doing this work will increase the odds that you can convey your explanation in a way that they will hear what you are saying. Much to my personal chagrin, there are not that many people who want to listen to me process out loud! In my experience no one wants to hear that they are wrong, insane, or are beholden to a boss. 

Now you are ready to EXPLAIN SIMPLY

Can you explain it in five or fewer sentences? If so, write them down and read no further, you’ve achieved simplicity. 💫

Can’t do it? Keep trying. Don’t have time? Yeah, all the more reason to take time. The more stressed or anxious you are the more important it is to not rush to get it over with. That is a good recipe for over explaining and then wanting a do over.

Often when parenting teens we get frustrated and, frankly, we repeat the same things again and again waiting for them to hear. New flash: they may not, but if you you keep it simple- they just might!

I learned to fully embrace and master this tool of simplifying when we wanted to tell our beloved 17 1/2 year child that the current living situation was no longer working and that he was going to Utah because we’d found a program that we felt completely comfortable with. I will not share my 5 sentences because they are not relevant, but I can tell you that if I had not worked on them, rewritten them more than once and committed them to memory, there is a good chance I would have gotten too involved in the conversation and been talked out of something once again. I was worried about him, but he wasn’t stupid!  We had been talking and over explaining and not being clear for years. 

That investment of time prior to explaining was well spent. How long we could have gone on without things changing?  I don’t know.  It no longer matters. We understood what we wanted to explain and it was done simply and with love for all involved.

If we have not taken the proper time needed to understand a situation, then, honestly, how can we explain it, much less do so simply? 

My kids taught have taught me so much. We went from the 5 second rule when they were infants to the 5 sentence self imposed rule when they were teens and young adults. I still use the 5 sentence trick all the time-at work and in personal relationships. Think about it. Try it.

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*And as for Albert, did you know that he had a child before his first marriage, that he as married several times or that his father wanted him to study electrical engineering but he “clashed with the authorities and resented the school’s regimen and teaching method.“? So, the next time your child clashes with authorities, maybe consider them an Einstein? Or, at least remember that this too shall pass, and what will come next we do not know.