We here at Plan P read and listen a lot.  Like a lot a lot. It’s hard to parent; parent kids, parent teens, parent adults, co-parent, etc., the reading and listening opportunities never end.  Why?  Relationships are hard!

Several great articles and podcasts have caught my eye recently because they have a similar focus.  I will reference two here rather than listing all of them. The first one is  What Psychologists Want Today’s Young Adults to Know in the NYT and the other is  How to be an Adult on TED Talks Daily.  Both Quinn and I thought that they were both on point.

The majority of young adults aware of these pieces are aware of them because…..yeahhh. My first thought upon listening to the podcast was “Oh! I should share this with…insert name of my own child or one of the many who trust me”.   Scccreeech!  I did not forward it to anyone.  Bravo me!  I raise a glass to myself.  I’ve gotten so much better at this!

I am not the only one who thinks that parents “may” read these and helpfully pass them along to their children who need to “know when to call your parents and know when to call on yourself”. In the middle of the NYT articles there is a banner “Tips to help parents of struggling teens.”  The NYT did not place that there by accident.

True confession time. 

(And, yes, I hope my kids don’t read this, but, if they do, they’ll just laugh with me, because they were there, they know how crazy I was. )

In 2015 I saw and snatched up another great book by Julie Lythcott-Haims called How to Raise an Adult.  Here’s the thing…in 2015, one of my kids was 21 and the other was 18 so….um…how much more raising did I think I was going to do?! If I had f’d up, the damage was done! I think I wanted to just read the book and double check and maybe try to slip a few nuggets in?  I wanted to double check the recipe after the bread was in the oven? I’m not sure what insecure insanity and attempt to control the past made me think it was a grand idea, but, I do know that I own the book. I don’t remember how I rated myself as I read it.  

And the kids? They’re good!  Kids do not have a reset button. My raising them was done.  The truth?  Kids develop.  I trusted them to learn their ABCs and a million other things from birth.  They didn’t have to raise themselves. I was there, loving them, being imperfect to varying degrees in varying years. They are good and I’m not bad, and there were many other people-parents, grandparents, teachers and others, who also loved and cared about them. 

When my first was born I compulsively read books and diagnosed things daily, and I finally realized that my best bet?  Put down the book and enjoy the baby.  Some things change.  They grow up.  I grew up. I learned to trust myself and that I had parented as best I could. I realized that my best bet was to put down the book and enjoy my children, aka the adults. 

I finally let go, of my fear -the fear that I had done something wrong (and I did plenty wrong, let there be no doubt about that) – and let my kids be the amazing marvelous reasonable selves that they are. They live their lives, I live mine. We are all adults, they will always be my children.  We are all learning. Every day. And we get to dine together when we have time:)