The first month of a new year brings the promise of new beginnings. We can clean the slate and start again. If you are like me, there is the tying up of loose ends and starting anew. Like a spring cleaning, it can be invigorating.
The start of something new, a new year, feels full of possibilities. It offers opportunities to let go of things that are done, and also to let go of the list of things that never seem important enough to get done. This feels like a moment for taking stock and realizing that there may be things left undone, and to consider that they may be better left that way. It can be a time to refocus our energies and consider what is really important to us.
Sometimes freshness makes us think that we can move mountains. For me, sometimes it gives me the burst of energy that I need to reorganize my priorities and set a new path.
New beginnings are exciting as we look forward to all the possibilities and feel empowered by this excitement.
New beginnings are like sunrises, full of promise without any pressure. It is as the day wears on, and the sun becomes hot, that the work starts to feel heavy.
I forget that new behaviors take time and practice. I need to give myself a bit of runway. By runway I mean I need to set my expectations for my new behaviors realistically. I have heard that for a new behavior to become a habit takes at least thirty days. Thirty days does not sound like a long time, but time is relative, and for me to make that commitment often takes a great deal of energy, and often costs me a few pennies. Paying that gym membership can add incentive to actually exercising.
Often, my New Year’s resolutions fall by the wayside before I’ve have made them habits. In fact, that happens so often that I no longer make resolutions. What I do make, or find, is the time to look back at the previous year and take stock.
This stock taking was especially important when we had kids in the house. It was a way of considering what was truly important to me; was I being the parent I wanted to be? How was I deciding where to focus my attention? Too often I was focused on the problem at hand. Often that was the urgent thing and not always the important one.
Children, and teens in particular, have many urgent needs that can get in the way of seeing what the important needs are. Add to that the truth that, often what is important in their minds can be very different from what is important in our minds. Taking stock as parents can help to handle that divide. It helps us to consider where our attention is being placed. It helps parents find the balance between too much attention and not enough attention. Urgent things, to us or to our children, often get much of the attention. They can distract from important things. Taking stock gives parents a better perspective. We can renew our understanding of the difference between important and urgent and find balance in the new year.
As parents, in the face of teen angst and crisis, we can forget to keep stock of the things that keep us sane (and well balanced). Are you making time for the things that you need? Do you know or remember what things help you refresh your stock levels?!
For my father to replenish, it was squash every Thursday night. That game and the beer afterwards, was an important time for him, both physically and psychologically. For me, it’s alone time, often spent fulfilling a task like painting the kitchen, reorganizing some section of the house, gardening or working out a puzzle. For still others to refresh and hit their reset, it is social time, coffee or a meal with friends, taking a class, going to a book club etc. I know many people who set aside time for a daily practice, like journaling, meditating, taking a bath or a walk.
Taking time in the beginning of the year to look at what you are doing for your own sanity as you raise your preteen, teen or young adult child is not just good for you but also for your kids. It is good to model self care for your kids. It lets them see that taking care of yourself should be one of your own priorities through out the year. January is a good time to ask yourself what is working? Are you getting enough of it and if not, what do you want to do differently in the coming year?
As we head into 2023 take a moment to remember the magic of the newness. What are the top priorities for you and your family, and how does your behavior support those priorities? In order to be the parents that we want to be, we need to sometimes clear out the old stock and welcome in the new year and the see the newness that is available.
