“Wanna fly, you got to give up the shit that weighs you down.”
There is so much shit that weighs us down. Especially as parents, and even more so for parents of teens! We hold our own shit, our kids shit, and work to provide a somewhat stable home full of shit.
I say “somewhat” because in my experience, we parents often feel we are coming up short in some area of stability. It is easy to think that we are not providing a stable home because we are not hitting all the expectations of a nosy neighbor, demanding in-law, shaming parent or Instagram. The impossible-to-meet-all-of-the-time expectations are some of the shit we need to let go of.
In addition to these unrealistic expectations, we are weighed down by our hopes for others, particularly our kids. These hopes are often based on what we see as their skill set. They have many skills, what we see as their skill set does not always match up with their desires.
The ability to draw does not make one an artist. The vision of what to draw and how to draw it is very different from the technical ability to draw. In the case of art, technique can be learned if the drive is there but just having the natural talent doesn’t give a person the drive to use it. It needs to be their vision, their desire, not our hope.
We know one child who was an accomplished pianist and was accepted into Julliard. He told his parents a few weeks after acceptance that he did not want to go. They had conversations and then let him make that decision and his parents managed their own feelings. They trusted him. He is now a successful realtor. So, yes, even those hopes can weigh us down, because in truth many are expectations.
As parents we want to know our children will be alright without us, we want them to be independent. We also don’t want to lose the connection. Part of the challenge of the teen years is that we are accustomed to that connection being based on their dependence on us, when what they want is to be independent, and we want that too. That is some more of the shit we need to let go so that we can fly, and by example give them permission to fly too.
